If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
