I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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