we have pet lesbian snakes
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
