I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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