it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
please come you make the beer taste better
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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