dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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