you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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