roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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