I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
