Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
