Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
