don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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