I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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