my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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