you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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