So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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