Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
how drunk are you?
Several
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
