ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You are the jesus of drinking
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
