Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
