whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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