I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
