bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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