it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
