it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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