Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
