I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
