mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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