Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
