I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
