guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize