I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i came on her dog
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
