somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
