is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
