I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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