u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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