I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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