what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
