you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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