Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
