So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
