Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
