Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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