maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
