Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
