lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
