a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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