im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
