Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He better not be in your backpack
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
