you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
