new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
