Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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