How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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