i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.