Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
