Banned from zoo.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner