He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
