Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight