I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating