dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.