Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.