I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
