did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
