Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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