I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
