So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
