i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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