this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
