don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
