How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
