where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
NoShamevember. You game?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
