you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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