Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
